Bitches Get Stuff Done

Okay, so I haven't posted here in... who knows how long. Not that I have any readers. But I promise, I am going to start posting regularly. Then maybe I'll have readers.

Anyways, so apparently there is a movie being made of He's Just Not That Into You. In and of itself, I have no major gripes with that franchise. I mean, to start with, I don't know enough about it to have any right to get angry with it. Also, it is allegedly really liberating for a lot of women to go "oh, I guess he's just not into me." Me, I'll probably never stop over-analyzing, but if it works for other people, that is nine kinds of awesome.

However, as I navigate the muddy waters of being an eligible young bachelorette in today's bizarre and complicated dating world, I feel more and more that She's Just Not That Into You needs to be released. Perhaps along with a companion volume, You Are Such A Sleazy Ass, Did You Seriously Think You Stood A Chance?

This is where the gender double-standard comes in. I am a HUGE fan of Jessica Valenti's book He's a Stud, She's a Slut because she does a fantastic job of outlining in very clear, well-phrased, humorous arguments what the double-standards in our society are. I am not her, though, so you'll have to settle for my awkward and bumbling analysis of this one.

When a girl won't stop calling a guy who isn't into her, obsessively trying to convince him to give her a chance, freaking out about what's wrong with her, pushing for quick commitment and a deep relationship, etc, she is a CRAZY PSYCHO BITCH. When a boy does that, he is a THOUGHTFUL ROMANTIC SENSITIVE MAN.

I call numerous counts of shenanigans/bullshit.

If a boy did that to me (and some of them have), I'd be rightfully freaked out. There is nothing romantic or sensitive about a guy leaping at you and confessing his love and vowing to do anything for you if only you'll give him a chance and professing his desire to be together in a deep, serious committed relationship when you barely know each other.

This is, as ever, a place where I feel that both genders are getting the shaft because of social gender norms. Us gals are told over and over again that we need to get married, we don't want to be an old maid or spinster, that sex out of a committed relationship is dirty and wrong and we don't want to be sluts, that our value is dictated by whether or not we have a boyfriend and whether or not he is our future husband. In contrast, boys are told that in order to obtain a woman, they must conform to these rules regarding entering into relationships. Movies full of absurd relationships where men doggedly pursue a woman who says no, people who leap into relationships without any sort of thought, rushing commitment... This is damning to men, too. It gives them the wrong idea of what women want.

This kind of weird cultural programming makes life difficult for everyone.

And this argument is what I want everyone I know to take away from feminism--it's for making life better for men and women both. This isn't some Hidden Vagina Agenda (okay, it is a little bit :P) but something about breaking down the gendered chains that hold us ALL down. In fighting for equality for women, we are also fighting for equality for men. When we all win, we all win.

I have always been very interested in the dynamics of marriage, as someone who is unsure if she will ever marry, and even more interested in the dynamics of child-rearing, as someone who is positive that she will never have children (if this seems backward to you, just remember that as an early twenties female, I must constantly defend myself in choosing to be childfree--I must always have an argument on hand as to why I don't want kids when everyone knows all a woman can possibly want is to be a mother).

This article in the New York Times on shared parenting is very interesting. It covers a lot of the general gender inequities that can be found in parenting and marriage--the way women, regardless of whether or not they work the same number of hours as men, will do twice as much house work and up to four or five times as much childcare--as well as some of the more subtle ingrained perceptions.

For example, when two working people choose to have a child, it is generally the woman who scales back her career involvement. This is partially, of course, because of the social expectation that the mother should be the main caregiver, but also because there is a perception that it is the women who have the more flexible career. However, the article observes that

the perception of flexibility is itself a matter of perception. In her study, she was struck by how often the wife’s job was seen by both spouses as being more flexible than the husband’s. By way of example she describes two actual couples, one in which he is a college professor and she is a physician and one in which she is a college professor and he is a physician. In either case, Deutsch says “both the husband and wife claimed the man’s job was less flexible.”

Two jobs. Flip which gender is working it, and the woman is still the more flexible one.

The article goes on to cover the misconceptions about the idea of "differing standards" between men and women in regards to childcare and housekeeping, the idea of conscientious division of labor, and more.

Over all, I highly recommend the article, as it is some very interesting food for thought on marriage, parenting, division of labor, and general social and personal dynamics. Well-written and thought-provoking. I would love to hear some other peoples' thoughts on this!

There have been some interesting discussions of privacy in the public sphere lately. For example, debates about the legality of stores with mirrors on the ground at the entrance so that men can see up women's skirts--but this is not illegal because once in public, women do not have a reasonable expectation of privacy? (I'm sorry I can't find a link at the moment; I will keep searching and come back.)

And now there is this.

Two students videotaped naked women in the neighboring dorm without the women's knowledge or consent. They then put the video online.

But the best part is that Roxbury District Court will not be pressing charges, at least not until Wentworth finishes its investigation (fine, yes, investigate--but not pressing charges?).

The boys were in their dorm room when across the street in a neighboring dorm, two women got into bed together without closing the blinds. Sure, that was silly of them, and as disgusting as it is, it is not surprising that two college juniors would then watch. What is surprising and disgusting is that they not only videotaped it, but then uploaded it onto the internet. That is absolutely dehumanizing to those two women and utterly indicative of a sense of ownership over bodies that the two men in question were in no way related to.

One of the two Wentworth students doing the filming tried to cover his tracks by saying, "This all would have never happened if their windows were closed."

This reeks of victim-blaming, not unlike rape courts saying that a woman's clothing is to blame for her rape.

Forgetting to close the blinds does not mean that the girls were asking to be videotaped and uploaded onto the internet. End of story.

[Read the Boston Globe article here]

This blog is coming soon, pending lay-out and final drafts of first essays. Watch this space!

In the meantime, here are some Fun Facts!

Who is Cuppy van der Cake?

Cuppy van der Cake is the superhero alter-ego of a "young urban professional" operating out of a top-secret base in Cambridge, Massachusetts. She owns and wears a pair of sensible pumps, but can actually run at a reasonable pace in them. She also owns many books, ranging in topic from science fiction to pretentious literature to assorted varieties of non-fiction. She has a tattoo on her left foot.

What's this about snarking?

Touchy-feely overly PC analysis is not what will be happening here. There is a difference between being conscientious and being sensitive to the point of being stupid (like the old adage of being open-minded, but not so much that one's brain falls out). This blog will aim for conscientious, but will most likely land in "mildly offensive." Cuppy van der Cake, on top of being the things listed above, is also kind of rude. The blog is called "Bitches Get Stuff Done" for a reason.

But does she get stuff done?

Oh hell yes! The occasional thing that has been gotten done might even get mentioned here now and again. Gasp!

Presidential candidate?

Good question! The crazy ridiculous Democratic primary snafu will be one of the first issues covered by this blog, actually. However, Cuppy has supported Obama for a while now. Details to come.

...Vegetarian cooking? What?

Politics and pop culture are sometimes too serious and/or depressing. Everyone needs to lighten up a little now and again, and food is arguably one of the best things in the world. Eating is awesome.

Recommended reads?

Feministing
The New York Times
Bostonist

Will there be a way better "about" page?

Yes, sweet pea, there will be.